Have you ever met someone with a disability and suddenly found yourself wondering what to say or how to act? Maybe you wanted to offer help but weren’t sure whether it would be appreciated. Or perhaps you simply smiled and nodded because you didn’t understand something the person said.
Well, let me tell you something. That last one drives me absolutely crazy!
As a woman born with cerebral palsy (CP), I’ve spent much of my life watching people wrestle with their assumptions about what I can and cannot do. My power wheelchair and speech impairment tend to make quite an impression before I’ve even had the opportunity to introduce myself.
Sometimes those first impressions lead to wonderful conversations. Other times, they lead people to make conclusions about my intelligence, independence, or capabilities that couldn’t be further from the truth.
That’s why I believe disability awareness and etiquette training is so important. Not because everyone needs to memorize a lengthy collection of social rules, but because we need to learn how to recognize the person standing, sitting, or rolling in front of us.
And believe me, there’s usually much more to that person than meets the eye.
What Is Disability Awareness and Etiquette Training?
Disability awareness and etiquette training teaches people how to communicate respectfully, recognize accessibility needs, and avoid harmful assumptions about individuals with disabilities.
That sounds fairly straightforward, doesn’t it?
Yet, after more than four decades of navigating life with cerebral palsy, I’ve discovered that understanding disability and understanding the person living with it are two very different things.
For example, cerebral palsy affects my muscle coordination and speech. I use a power wheelchair for independent mobility, and my dysarthria makes my natural speech difficult for some people to understand.
Neither of those conditions prevents me from thinking, learning, creating, or having a meaningful conversation.
Unfortunately, that distinction isn’t always apparent to people meeting me for the first time.
True disability awareness means recognizing that a diagnosis doesn’t tell you everything about someone’s life. Disability etiquette puts that understanding into practice by encouraging respectful communication, personal choice, and genuine inclusion.
It’s not about treating everyone exactly the same. It’s about recognizing that everyone deserves the same dignity while respecting their individual needs.
Why Disability Etiquette Matters in Everyday Life
One of the most frustrating aspects of having a speech impairment is discovering how quickly people confuse difficulty speaking with difficulty understanding.
I discuss this extensively in Rolling in Grace, particularly in a chapter called “A Matter of Perception.”
I’ve encountered people who hear my voice and immediately assume I have a cognitive disability. Others will talk to whoever accompanies me instead of directing their questions to me.
Then there are the people who smile and nod as though they’ve understood every word I’ve said.
Trust me, I can usually tell when they haven’t.
I realize most people aren’t deliberately trying to be disrespectful. They’re uncomfortable, uncertain, or afraid of hurting my feelings.
But pretending to understand someone doesn’t demonstrate kindness. It simply prevents meaningful communication.
And disability etiquette isn’t limited to interactions with wheelchair users. People with hearing impairments, learning disabilities, autism, chronic illnesses, and nonvisible disabilities also encounter assumptions about their capabilities and needs.
Respectful communication begins when we stop deciding what someone is capable of before giving them an opportunity to show us.
7 Essential Disability Etiquette Practices Everyone Should Know
I could probably fill another entire book with stories about the strange, awkward, and occasionally hilarious interactions I’ve experienced because of my disability.
For now, let’s concentrate on seven practices that can make a meaningful difference.
1. Speak Directly to the Person
When someone accompanies a disabled person, don’t automatically assume the companion should answer every question.
Address the individual directly, even if they use a communication device, interpreter, or personal assistant.
Someone may need help expressing their response, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of providing one.
2. Ask Before Offering Assistance
I’ve always appreciated people who genuinely want to help. However, there’s a considerable difference between offering assistance and assuming someone is helpless.
If you think someone needs help, ask first.
And if they say no, believe them.
My wheelchair allows me to move independently. I don’t need someone deciding where I should go simply because they believe they’re making life easier.
3. Respect Mobility Equipment and Personal Space
Wheelchairs, walkers, canes, and communication devices serve important purposes in people’s lives.
Please don’t move, lean against, or interfere with someone’s equipment without permission.
My power chair isn’t a symbol of defeat. It’s the reason I can independently navigate much of my world.
That’s a distinction I’ve had to remind myself of during some particularly frustrating seasons of life.
4. Don’t Confuse Physical Limitations with Intellectual Limitations
This one deserves special attention.
My dysarthria affects the muscles involved in producing speech. It does not affect my intelligence.
Yet throughout my life, people have repeatedly made that assumption.
I’ve earned a college degree, written books, developed creative projects, and pursued ministry opportunities. None of those things would be possible if the assumptions some strangers made about me were accurate.
When you meet someone who communicates differently, don’t underestimate their abilities.
5. Be Thoughtful About Your Language
Some individuals prefer being called “people with disabilities,” while others identify as “disabled people.”
Respect those preferences rather than insisting that one description works for everyone.
It’s also helpful to avoid language that automatically portrays disability as tragic or defines someone entirely by their condition.
I’m not interested in being treated as a perpetual victim of my circumstances.
I’m a writer, a Christian, a friend, a daughter, and a woman with dreams and ambitions.
Cerebral palsy is part of my story, but it isn’t the whole story.
6. Be Patient Enough to Actually Listen
One of my favorite childhood memories involves my friend Judd.
We were around seven or eight years old when I noticed him silently mouthing the words I was saying during a conversation.
When I asked what he was doing, he explained that he wanted to make sure he understood me correctly.
Such a simple gesture.
Yet it meant more to me than he probably realized.
Judd wasn’t embarrassed by my speech. He simply made the effort to understand what I had to say.
That experience taught me something I’ve carried throughout my life: genuine communication requires a willingness to listen, even when listening takes extra effort.
If you don’t understand someone, politely ask them to repeat themselves or explain what they meant. A genuine question is far more respectful than a polite smile that leaves both people misunderstood.
Sometimes understanding me requires a little patience. I would much rather someone take the extra moment to listen than pretend our conversation has happened when it really hasn’t.
7. Include People Instead of Making Assumptions
One of the easiest ways to exclude a person with a disability is to decide in advance what they can or cannot participate in.
Invite us into conversations, activities, decisions, and opportunities. If something presents an accessibility challenge, ask what would make participation possible instead of simply leaving us out.
I may approach certain experiences differently because of my cerebral palsy, but I still want the opportunity to make my own choices. And believe me, I am perfectly capable of telling you when something does not work for me!
Disability Awareness Begins With a Willingness to Learn
I don’t expect everyone I meet to understand cerebral palsy, dysarthria, or life with a power wheelchair. What I do appreciate is someone who is willing to listen, ask respectful questions, and get to know me beyond the first impression.
That willingness is at the heart of disability awareness and etiquette training. It helps us replace assumptions with conversations and discomfort with understanding.
Through Rolling in Grace, I share experiences that have shaped my faith, identity, and perspective. My hope is that these stories will encourage readers to look beyond appearances and remember that every person deserves to be heard.
So the next time you meet someone with a disability, you don’t need a perfect speech or a special set of rules. Start with kindness, respect, and the simple courtesy of treating the person in front of you as an individual.
You might be surprised by the conversation that follows.
